Behind Those Wonderful Double Grand Doors
by DnKS-giRLs
Summary: An overly cliched SuzaLulu crack fic. That day, the four ladies of Ashford Academy heard some very interesting things behind the closed door of student council room. And what part exactly does aloe gel play in that?


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Title: Behind Those Wonderful Double Grand Doors

Author: DnKS – giRLs

Rating: PG13

Pairing: SuzaLulu

Disclaimers: Absolutely not ours. Clear?

Warning: It's stupid, we warn you…. Not only the story but also the characters involved in said story…

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People said that girls tended to be sharp in seeing things normally could not be seen by others. That might be true. But sharp or not, no girl could possibly miss the sight that appeared in one certain corridor leading to the Student Council Room of Ashford Academy that Monday afternoon. A particular sight of one Kururugi Suzaku hastily carrying Lelouch Lamperouge in his arms until he seemed not to register his surroundings. Therefore, it was understandable that Suzaku failed to register that there were several pairs of eyes following his steps with more than mild curiosity.

Those pairs of eyes belonged to several girls. To be more precise, those eyes belonged to four particular girls named Milly Ashford, Shirley Fenette, Kallen Stadtfelt, and Nina Einstein.

While it was true that girls were sharp in seeing things, it should be noted that they were particularly sharp on seeing things involving their best friends. Moreover so when the said best friends happened to be two guys in compromising position and were named Suzaku and Lelouch.

"That seems to be something you might dub as suspicious," Milly said as they watched Suzaku, with Lelouch still in his arms, entered the Student Council Room. Sipping her bottled mineral water, she then added. "Terribly suspicious."

"Seconded," Shirley said.

"Thirded," Kallen said. "Wait, that doesn't sound right."

"They lock the door," Nina remarked as they all heard the sound of the door being locked. "My laptop is still in there. Pity."

"You know what pity is?" Milly said. "It's that Lelouch and Suzaku are inside there doing naughty things and we cannot watch."

Shirley seemed offended at thinking that her love interest might be at the moment frolicking with Suzaku. But like most girls, she had two separate stomachs for those things. With a moment of consideration, she could perfectly accept the prospect of Lelouch and Suzaku being intimate with each other. And when she thought about what those two boys might be doing…

"Oh, damn," she cursed mildly under her breath.

"Aren't you supposed to have an extra key?" Kallen asked Milly with accusing tone.

"Can't we at least hear them?" Nina eyed the door hopefully.

"Maybe we can," Milly said. "Worth trying, anyway."

It seemed that along with being sharp on seeing things, girls also tended to enjoy the idea of seeing their guy friends doing things that began in 's', ended in 'x' with an 'e' in the middle.

Creeping toward the closed door, the four girls managed to stand as close as possible to the door in hope they might hear what was happening inside. This being said, it meant each of them put one of their ears against the wooden surface, all along cursing the architects of the academy who thought it was cool to have thick double grand doors for every room inside the building. Those architects surely consisted of a whole pack of males, each of them thought in their mind, a whole pack of supercilious dim-witted males who could not understand the necessity of thin, non-soundproofed doors for the ears of eager eavesdropping girls.

But luck was on their side for they could hear things. Not perfectly, but they at least could hear the conversation between Lelouch and Suzaku. And the first thing they heard was a whimper. A very girly whimper that they had no hard time believing it came from Lelouch's lips.

"Hush," said another voice that they recognized as Suzaku's voice. "Calm down."

"I am calm, idiot!" they heard Lelouch snapping. At this, the four of them could practically imagine Lelouch throwing his glare to Suzaku.

"Fine, whatever you say," there was a hint of amusement in Suzaku's voice. "I will take off your pants, okay?"

Blinking, Shirley had the courage to whisper, "Oh, God!"

"Are they thinking to hit home base inside the Student Council Room?" Milly whispered fiercely. "That's my territory, dammit!"

"My poor laptop," Nina sighed. "I hope it won't be dirtied."

"Oh, shut up, I want to hear them," Kallen whispered.

They did shut up and continued listening. There was a sound of fabric rustling and all were trying to imagine the view of Lelouch being stripped off of his pants. A soft thud followed and then there was a low whistle.

"Well, seeing your condition, it's perfectly reasonable that you cannot walk." Suzaku's voice still held the same amusement with a drop of mockery as he said those words.

"And whose fault is that?" Lelouch's grumbling voice countered. "Do something!"

"Yes, Your Highness," Suzaku's voice said. "Now I know Shirley keeps some aloe gel somewhere in this room…"

Hearing that, Milly, Kallen, and Nina, all threw a questioning look to Shirley. The girl gulped and waved her hands in front of her.

"I often scraped my skin during the swimming practices," she whispered agitatedly. "It's supposed to cool the bruises."

They still looked at her strangely before Kallen shrugged dismissively.

"Whatever," she whispered. "I'm more interested in knowing what they are going to use it for."

"Lubrication," Nina whispered with a flat tone. "Guys do not have natural lubrication like girls. I don't know if it's their luck or their misfortune. It makes things more complicated, sure, but it also grants them longer time for foreplay. Longer foreplay is always nice… maybe I should dress up as a guy someday…"

Milly raised one perfect eyebrow, "I think I don't want to know where you got that idea from."

Ending their conversation, the four honorable ladies of Ashford Academy got back to their eavesdropping. They could hear some rumbling noises from inside the room which they surmised as Suzaku trying to locate the tube of gel. It went for quite some time until Shirley almost wanted to create a neon sign saying 'IT'S IN THE SECOND DRAWER, DAMMIT, HOW HARD IS IT TO LOCATE THAT!?' and put it on the window so they could find it easier. But after some time they could hear Suzaku's voice as he spoke to Lelouch again.

"I found the gel," Suzaku's cheery voice announced. "And this."

They did not know what 'this' meant. But from the hitched up breath they could hear, they presumed it was something naughty.

"Oh no," Lelouch's voice sound like a whimper. "Suzaku, you cannot…"

"I so can Lelouch…"

"You are not to get that thing near me, you hear?"

"Oh, come on, it won't hurt…" Suzaku stopped. "…much."

Hearing that, each of those girls strangely was thinking one very same thought that went along the line of 'crap, he can't possibly find my vibrator, right!?'. Another strange thing was that each of them also decided against saying it out loud. They shared a somewhat strained silence until…

"Ouch! Suza…" there was a sharp intake of breath. "You can at least tell me first before you do that!"

"Sorry," Suzaku's voice sounded apologetic. "Does it hurt?"

Though they did not know why, all of them could imagine Lelouch whimpering.

"No, just… feels a bit cold…"

A rich chuckle. "The gel is supposed to do that. Now be still, I need to apply it thoroughly."

"…'Kay…"

Lelouch being submissive was something foreign to the four girls. Thus they had their eyebrows rise at the compliant tone in which Lelouch used at agreeing to Suzaku's words. It was fun to imagine their oh-so-mighty Lelouch Lamperouge could become such a timid guy like that. And somehow all four of them had their respect to Kururugi Suzaku suddenly increased.

"There, finished," Suzaku's voice declared after some moment and Nina had a look of horror crossing her face.

"But it's just barely a minute!" she whispered fiercely. "He couldn't have probably stretched him enough already!"

"Maybe they prefer it rough…" Milly whispered.

"Hello, Madam President… Lelouch? Rough?" Kallen whispered.

"Well, maybe deep inside, he is a masochist, or…"

Whatever Milly wanted to say was stopped in her throat because suddenly a choked scream was heard from inside the closed room. That made them all attentive and returned their attention back to whatever activity being conducted inside there. The choked scream was undoubtedly Lelouch's. And as for the cause behind the scream…

"I've told you not to get that damn thing near me!" Lelouch's voice screeched.

"You know it's necessary, Lelouch," Suzaku's voice countered.

"But it hurts…"

"For a good reason, yes, but only for a moment. I'll make it quick, don't worry."

"Then go on quickly with it, you idiot!"

"Yes, yes, don't be so whiny over a little pain…"

"You try to be in my position then you can tell me about being whiny over a little pain!"

Milly had a feral grin spread on her face. It was getting more interesting by the seconds. And it seemed her friends shared the sentiment for they all sported similar grin over their faces. After all, that kind of free entertainment did not come everyday so they might as well enjoy it the best they could.

"Here we go then," they could hear Suzaku spoke again. "This might hurt a bit."

"No, it will hurt a lot," Lelouch's voice countered sourly. "Go on."

They focused their hearing and the next thing they heard was a muffled whimper.

"Oh God…" Lelouch's whimpering voice sounded like he was in pain. "Oh God… Suzaku…"

"Ssh…" Suzaku's soothing voice sounded like he was trying to calm Lelouch down. "It's okay, Lelouch, it's okay. Calm down or you might hurt yourself more."

"Couldn't… you do it more… gently?"

"Sorry, I was a bit harsh… don't move, Lelouch. I'm sorry, okay. No, don't move… you're bleeding and I doubt Milly will like it if you stain her desk with blood."

At the mention of blood, all the four girls had their eyes widened. They were silent for a while, before…

"I told you the preparation was not enough! That's why he's bleeding!" Nina screamed.

"My Lulu is bleeding! My Lulu is bleeding!" Shirley also screamed.

"I can't believe they dared to stain my presidential desk! With blood no less!" Milly screamed and pulled a key from under her breast pocket.

"I knew it that you have an extra key!" Kallen screamed to Milly.

Jamming the key into the door, Milly yanked the double doors open. Gallantly, the four honorable ladies of Ashford Academy marched through the now open door to see a sight of Lelouch sitting on the desk with his legs draped across Suzaku's lap. They noticed the angry bruises and the still slightly bleeding wound on Lelouch's leg. They noticed the tube of aloe gel sitting calmly on the desk. They noticed Suzaku's hand poised above Lelouch's wound, holding a bottle of iodine.

And all of them thought, awh, damn!

The four girls thought so because their imagination of a hot and erotic scene turned out to be nothing but a platonic act of Suzaku helping Lelouch dressing his wound.

Lelouch thought so because at the moment he was only having Suzaku's jacket draped over his lap and his legs from his knees downward were bare for all the people to see.

Suzaku thought so because his private moment of Schadenfreude was disrupted by the coming of those girls.

"Ah," Milly said. "Hello."

"Hello, Milly," Suzaku smiled. "Sorry, we are borrowing your desk for a moment. As you can see, Lelouch is hurt after his terrible fall from a tree and he refused to be treated in the infirmary."

"I see…" Milly said. "As long as you don't leave any bloodstains…"

"Is that my aloe gel?" Shirley eyed the tube.

"Yes, um… sorry, I need it for the bruises."

"And iodine," Kallen remarked.

"Ah, right, though Lelouch is against using it vehemently. He said it's hurting him."

"Ah, I see…" Milly said then her eyes rested at Lelouch. "Lelouch, you're awfully quiet."

"I just find it highly impolite that you barged in like that," Lelouch said arrogantly.

"Well, we heard screams…" Shirley began. "But it turned out nothing interesting… er… bad happened, right? As a matter of fact, nothing happened, at all, so… sorry to disturb you. I mean… sorry to barge in like that…"

"It's okay," Lelouch smiled. "As long as we understand each other."

Oh yes, Lelouch thought, he understand them perfectly. He knew what was in their minds. He knew they had eavesdropped on them. He knew what dirty minds his girl friends could possibly have. Girls might be sharp, but they still could not beat someone who led the double lives of a student and a terrorist at the same time without having his identity being suspected so far. He was, Lelouch thought haughtily, by any means far more superior than them.

Therefore he decided not to tell them that the reason he fell from a tree was because his ever so brilliant lover named Kururugi Suzaku thought it would be fantastically romantic to make love on the branch of a blooming cherry tree.

- end –

(A/N: so, does this pathetic excuse of a crack fic even deserve some reviews? If not, some hazardous substance is fine, too. Maybe we can avoid deadlines that way, saying 'sorry, Sir, but someone dumped nuclear waste to my room and so I cannot finish my work, surely you can understand'… hey, desperate people still have the right to have desperate hope, right?)


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